My Ex-Boyfriend’s Best Friend

I had lunch with my ex-boyfriend’s best friend today. Incidentally, he’s also one of my best friends – how that worked for him playing “piggy-in-the-middle” I never quite figured out, particularly given our messy break up, but it never seemed to phase either of them way back in the day. Or at least, if it did, it was a closely guarded secret between the two best friends and something I would never have been privy to. Having said that, I suspect the lad never quite caught on to just exactly how much of a bond his best mate and I shared. Now, don’t get me wrong, Taye and I have never hooked up, at least not in the way you’re thinking. All I’m saying is that had the roles been reversed, I may or may not have been entirely comfortable with it myself. But then again, that too would have been my jealously guarded secret.

In any event, Taye was passing through on business and as per usual we jumped at every incidental opportunity to steal a few moments together in the sun. Quintessentially London, we chose to sit outside a small side street café, on a crooked cobbled stone street in tribute to our elusive summer sun, who for whatever reason, had finally deigned to show his face. We caught up over the usual City Worker’s staple sandwich lunch and crisp diet, swapping stories since our last meeting some six weeks ago.

So I’m seeing someone new now, after a year and a half of being on my own (and not for want of offers either). I mean sure, hook ups – there had been a few, perhaps more than a few to be fair, but a real adult relationship, I had, until late last year, been bolting like a deer on ‘Speed’. Part of it stemmed from fear. My ex and I had had after all, big plans for our future. Despite my chronic commitment issues, I was ready to marry the man. Sometimes, I think, you just know…

But then again what am I saying? Here I am two years down the line with someone entirely different all together. Well, I guess that doesn’t necessarily make him any less the man for me than what he was two years ago. Regardless, all purely academic. This entry is not at all about my ex, but rather the connection that Taye and I share. Yet somehow, despite the fact that Taye and I have shared deeper and darker secrets, and quite apart from the fact that I am completely content and happy with this gem of a lad I quite clearly adore, I found myself intrinsically incapable of articulating to Taye any aspect of my now not-so-new relationship or even any element of emotional content pertaining to the new man. So I stammered and stuttered and finally coughed up a feeble “er, yeah… he’s good. Uh, yeah, we’re good. Yeah, good…”

What was that about?

It must be blindingly obvious, but still, I can’t seem to figure out why?